That Christmas Spirit
Warren County Report
The holidays are one of my favorite times of year. Christmas trees, the lights, the music, the cookies and the presents. I love them all. What I don’t like is the shopping. Of course, I don’t like doing that any time of year. At the holidays, with more people, more cars, and more confusion, it’s that much worse. Buying gifts on line has made the process less painful than it used to be, but for those times when I have to actually get in my car and drive to a store, I’m in trouble. And if my wife is with me, so is she. My Christmas spirit fades as quickly as a snowman on the beach.
Yesterday was one of those days.
The fun began when we pulled into the already busy lot and began our quest for that elusive parking spot, preferably one within a half mile of the mall. Surprisingly, we found one rather quickly. And the thirty minute walk was good exercise.
Once inside, my wife is greeted by a woman on a mission. To spray smelly perfume on my wife. My wife has a mission of her own. To avoid the smelly spray. After a testy exchange, we move on.
We arrive at store number one to buy a gift for, who else, but my mother-in-law? As mother-in-laws go, I can’t complain, but don’t ask me to shop for the woman. That’s asking a bit much. We make some progress, but need to look elsewhere.
At store number two, my wife picks the perfect purse. By the way, just how many purses does a women need? The line to pay is long but moves at a good pace.
We leave the mall and head back to the car. That’s when we encounter another of the holiday shopping pleasures. You feel the eyes upon you. Arriving shoppers, trying to snag that parking spot, stalk you as you return to your car. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see them cruising through the lot at speeds approaching 1 mile per hour, waiting, just waiting to see which car is yours. Sometimes, when I’m in the mood, I imagine the FBI is following me and I try to shake them by cutting across rows of cars to confuse them, or doubling back a time or two just for my own enjoyment.
Having successfully escaped the authorities, we’re off to Barnes and Noble. We typically enjoy browsing through book store shelves, but not today. Today, our goal is to finish as quickly as we can. My sister-in-law loves to read, but I don’t know what books she already has.
How about a gift card? Perfect. But if it’s not a large enough amount, how cheap will I look? Geez.
Next store, sporting goods. My wife’s oldest brother likes to fish. Once again, we have no idea what he needs. A quick call to his son and my wife tracks down his favorite lures. They look like metal shoe horns with long hooks on the end. Whatever.
A quick stop at one of my favorite places, the Dairy Queen, to buy more gift cards and a treat for two weary shoppers gives us renewed strength.
Off to Best Buy, the last stop of the day. I have $10 in coupons to use. My plan is to buy a CD for a good friend. Thirty minutes later, we walk out with $300 in phones and no CD. How did that happen? And those coupons? The clerk didn’t ring them up correctly.
“Go to customer service and they’ll take care of it for you,” the girl at the register tells me.
“Thanks,” I mutter as I trudge off to stand in another line.
Ah, holiday shopping. I love it.
Bah humbug.
Mr. Engle is already looking forward to the after Christmas sales. You can bet a fruitcake in a pear tree he’ll be at the mall at 6AM on December 26th.